Come on Jeffrey Archer, tell us some stories

You're supposed to be good at that and it'll certainly liven up your tweets

While the Boris Johnsons of this world (@MayorOfLondon) make waves across the Twittersphere you, Jeffrey Archer (@jeffreyarcher), have been quietly getting on with business to a far more select group (4,000 at the last count).
Sadly, a stream of mainly promotional book tweets ("A Prisoner of Birth is No 1 on the Fnac ebook best-selling list (Fnac being the major bookseller chain in France), before Guillaume Musso!") has not set the world alight. But, get the content right and followers will come. You're famous for spinning a good yarn, so pick up your pen and take some notes.
Twitter jokers
Twitter is the place where witty one-liners rule. Got a pun about Libya or a wisecrack about David Cameron's tan? Gold star for you. The trick is to join in and not take it to heart should you become the butt of the joke. For example, when you tweeted about your cat ("Introducing our new kitten. We can't decide her name – she's Bengal so needs to be appropriately Indian. Suggestions? http://pic.twitter.com/b4TeubX) it should have come as no surprise that one wag suggested you call her "Purrjury". You've gotta roll with the lolz, Jeffrey. It's the Twitter way.
More commentary
We're going to be hearing a lot more about the 2012 London mayoral election and as a man who once ran for the office, you are in a unique position to give some real insight. When everyone with a Twitter account turns into an armchair David Dimbleby, shelve the modesty that led you to tweet after the London riots, "It is not often that I regret not being Mayor of London, but I do this morning" and get stuck in.
Pimp your bio
A pithy sentence really sorts the wheat from the chaff. Barbra Streisand's "I don't care what you say about me. Just be sure to spell my name wrong," is a masterclass. Yours ("Story-teller, charity auctioneer ... would-be captain of England's Cricket XI.") could do with a bit of pimping. I'd go for "Ringo Starr said I am 'the kind of bloke who would bottle your piss and sell it.'" Endorsement from a Beatle – it doesn't get better than that!


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